As I have stated before my therapist has given me homework. And as apart of my homework I thought I would share with you one of the questions and my answer. While I wrote this, it just confirmed that this blog was named so appropriately for Christopher and our journey.
Talk and/or write about how much you valued the person.
Christopher was my best friend in every sense of the meaning. We shared our hopes, dreams and fears with each other. We met in our teens and from the moment we saw each other we knew there was something about each other that was special (although at the time we didn't know what it was) Christopher showed me that life is not about what car you drive, how much money you make or what people think about you - it's about how you live your life and what you do for those around you when they are in need. Christopher had a rough childhood and even though he didn't feel like a part of his own family, he always found the bright side to everything and every situation.
When his mother pasted away, he was 21, yet roughly a year after his mom's death he told me he understood everything. God took away his mother to show him who his father really was. I admired him for this. Not because the bright side of his mother's passing was he loathed his father - but that he had the strength to say that out loud to others. He was always the first one to share with people his journey with his mother and how it changed him for the better. Christopher was never afraid of anything.
When his father stole his identity and rang up debt under Christopher's name, he took 9 months to clear it up and yet only when his father was complaining about his social security being garnished did Christopher tell him why. And even though his father never apologized or tried to make a mends - Christopher used to say, "He made his bed and one day he will realize that it's lonely, but in the end he's my father." Once he told his father - "I forgive you for what you have done, but I'm just not proud of what you did" I admired him for the forgiveness he held in heart.
Christopher always put family first. When Grams lost her house, he told me, "we're going to be there to help her." When the smell of the house got too much for people, he was the one that fought through it to get it done so we finish up before we lost the light of the sun. Again he amazed me with his strength of the love he had for my grandmother and for my family - to travel almost 9 hours and work in the heat and drive back the next day.
Christopher was such a loving man. I could look into his eyes and see the world in them. The way he looked at me would warm my heart from the inside out. He looked at Ethan in the same light and I knew that that was a look of pure love. Ethan was his everything, it was his way of showing to himself that he could be a good father - better than his own. And even though I knew he would always be a better father, I admired and loved that he was so determined to show that to his son. Christopher loved taking Ethan to daycare and loved picking him up. It was their bonding time and I loved that what most parents would dread doing - Christopher took pleasure in. He loved everything about being a parent, changing diapers, playing at the park, giving Ethan a bath, making dinner; he took joy in everything.
There was this one time, on my way home from work Christopher and I were talking on the phone and Ethan was around 6 months old. I told him - "I'm pulling in the alley, see you soon." A few minutes later I walked into the house, where Christopher had informed me that Ethan crawled for the first time. And as a working mother, I cried over the fact that b/c I worked I missed out on something I so wanted to cherish. So after dinner Christopher sat me on our sofa, told me to lean a certain way and put my hands a certain way. Then he took Ethan and placed in center of the room. Ethan went from a sitting position to on his knees and crawled. I cried over the joy it brought me. It was at that point that Christopher gave me a hug and told me I just witnessed exactly how he had witnessed it. It was so thoughtful and sweet that he wanted me to see it in the same light he did.
Christopher made me feel special. He knew when I was sad just by the way I said hello on the phone and made it his mission to make me smile or laugh before I got off. He knew that I enjoyed the little things in life and when I would have a rough day at work, he would make me a grill cheese sandwich and ask me about it. And when I miss him I still make a grill cheese sandwich and think of him. He cared so much about life and he showed it in everything that he did.
When Christopher was told he had cancer - I fell apart, but he was the one that picked me up off the ground and told me everything would be ok. That he would fight this all the way and never give up. Again Christopher showed me how great of a man he was. For someone being told he had something that has no cure - he was positive about the outcome from the beginning. He always gave me a strong face, when I knew he had a rough day. His strength and love for fighting this cancer was why I named the blog "Living Strong". Because Christopher through his actions in life taught me that it's not what you go through it's how you weather yourself through them.
It's so hard to explain how you love someone three ways from Sunday. Christopher was so very special to me and always made me feel that we were a part of a very special love. I feel as though we had something most people only dream of, and together we could do anything we set our minds too. He was my hero, my friend, my husband, the father to our son and most off the love of my life.
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