Last year I had Ethan sit outside and pose with my running shoes right before I started training for it. Every time I look at that photo it makes my heart melt - his happy little face next to my shoes. So this year I decided to do the same thing. We ran outside (right before it poured down rain on us) and I asked him to put my shoes on and pose for me. First, I was shocked to see that my shoes don't actually look that big on him (insert tear - my little man is growing up). Second, he looked very seriously at me and said, "Mommy I'm gonna make your exercise face!" And this is what I got.
At first I was shocked that he looked so mean that I even commented to him to that "Mommy isn't mean when she exercises!?!" There was soon a stalemate between us. Ethan couldn't explain what he was trying to say and the rain was making it a hair stressful with my camera outside so that we gave up the ghost and went inside. Later that night after pulling the photo off the camera and looking at it I got what Ethan sees in me when I have those shoes on. It's determination. Strength that I feel in my heart to overcome what has happened in our lives and how I plan to make our world, our situation, a better place for both of us. And one of those things is this run.
The first year I ran it - it was so therapeutic in nature. I needed it to help me break through my own walls that I had put up and around me. The second year, it was still therapeutic, but on a different level. Ethan was there to see me cross the finish line and watching his little eyes in excitement as I did it made me feel good about what I had accomplished. This year, Ethan won't be there to watch me. Not because I don't want him to - but my parents won't be in town to be there with him. Which yes, makes me a little sad because this year has been about making myself a healthier person, mentally, physically and emotionally. Him seeing me cross the finish line as this newly transformed person would be my cherry on the top of my world. But it's ok. Knowing that he knows I'm going to run and WHY I'm going to run is the important part in all this. That together, as a team, he and I are doing what we can to help families dealing with cancer. We've done it - we were given help when we needed it - now it's time to give back.
I'm sure this run will again be very therapeutic. They always are with each 5k I've done. What can I say? My mind twists and turns and translates the things that are caught in the corners of my soul better when I run. And as always I will blog about it. I have to say I am really excited about this 5k. I've been working really hard to lower my run time and as of two weeks ago I actually managed to reduce my run time by 5mins and 30 seconds! SO yeah, I'm excited to see what time I get when I do cross the finish line and I'm excited to run with all the people who will be there to support these great families!
If you would like to donate and help this great cause you can do so by donating on my fundraising page. It takes $750 to help a family in need and that is my goal; to help one family! Please consider passing this along and sharing with people you know. I'm 1/3 of my way to my goal! Please consider helping these families!
Pax - d
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