Last year I ran a run that not only was one of the best
things I had even done for my self, but for the benefit of other people. It was
therapeutic in nature and helped me take moving forward to a whole new level
due in part to my iPod stopping just a few songs in and leaving me to float
within the maze of thoughts that I had put off getting lost in and having some
conversations with God that needed to be had.
I ran this run for the memory of a man that consistently
challenged me to be a better person and for the future of one that never really
knew his father and has so much of life that will be missed because of this
(not to mention what will come into his life due in part to having his father
and grandmother pass from the same cancer). It’s a run that I will continue to run from now until my
legs won’t hold me up to cross the finish line.
This year’s run was a little different for me; mentally and
physically. Mentally due it part to the fact that another year had gone by and
I’m just in a different place with how I feel about life, cancer, God and the
plan that is set for Ethan and I. I’m ok with everything and while I might
still have my moments when I break down and remember the things I lost – I just
don’t live in that part of my mind any more. There is a peace that resided in
that part of my mind and I owe allot to how I got there. It took taking time to
discover who I was. Not just discovering whom the “d” was without Christopher,
but the “d” that I’ve always wanted to be. The “d” that I had always aspired to
be and yet never really felt like I was putting 100% of my self behind it. The
“d” that was always caught up with work, cancer and what else I could add to my
plate to keep from having to think about what was going on in life in general.
Part of that change started with Christopher and a
conversation he and I had when he was in the hospital after finding out he had
cancer. I sat in this little white room with a TV that seem to play Walker
Texas Ranger on every hour and on the 8 of 10 stations it had available. The
smell was overly clean, but not in that piney clean sorta way; it was stale and
sterile. The sounds of other people on the floor coughing and turning and
knowing that they too had cancer was madding being that Christopher was the
youngest person on the cancer wing. Christopher was dressed in those see
through gowns and in only Christopher fashion he was up beat and cheerful. He
was ready to make a plan and we talked about everything and anything. We
chatted on how aggressive this cancer was, his will to fight this more than
just the average tooth-and-nail; how we, as a family, was going to attack this
cancer.
Faith, nutrition, medicine (Chemo), physical fitness and
mental health was our plan. It was a good plan that both Christopher and I
agreed to and one that while we discussed how we would make all this happen. Christopher and I made a pack that we would do whatever we could to be there
for others facing similar situations; no matter what. It was at that point that
he looked at me and challenged me to grow my hair out and cut it all off to
give to Locks of Love. First let me say this wasn’t really an odd challenge for
me. I’m notorious for growing my hair out then on a whim cutting it all off –
so why don’t I “put that to good use” is how he phrased it.
I scheduled my first donation of hair months in advance;
which ended up being just barely two week after his passing. I remember going
into to my hairdresser and being asked, “are you ready” and just wanting to say
“no”. This was not only my hair but also they were rings of my preverbal tree.
“This is where we were told he had cancer”, “surgery”, “chemo”. I could
mentally see the path of this journey through my hair. However, in the end I
did cut my hair and while if felt good to cut off that hair and give it to
someone who is going through cancer, it was gut wrenching. I cried on the way
home thinking – what did I do…
But a few months past and I came up with an idea. One that
while I thought was brilliant, I’m sure my friends all thought I was crazy and would
cope out somewhere before the end. I wanted to donate as much hair as
Christopher was tall. This was man who challenged me to do something that I had
never thought of and I wanted to honor that thought the best way I knew how. So
why not donate as much hair as I could in the memory of a man who to this day
even after his passing moves people to better themselves.
Tomorrow, I will cut off 12 inches of hair and donate it
again to Wigs For Kids in memory of Christopher as my second donation of the six
I promised to myself. As you can see from the photo it’s been a labor of love
and one that I’m not only proud to do, but absolutely love that I am. This
process has helped me to discover the person I have always wanted to be. The
person that gives up vanity for charity, to discover the greatest gift that I
could give to another person is the one that fills my soul with light and love,
to give without limitation and celebrate each day with love in my heart,
finding out who I am by giving up something so simple of myself.
Growing my hair out started back in July of 2010 (the month
Christopher started Chemo) and I have been watching my hair get longer and
longer and more excited with each inch that grew out. I began to think how if
other people could go through this same process of discovering and giving up a
little part of themselves how; maybe – just maybe, it might start a movement.
One where people give a little part of themselves to help those in need.
It’s not about hair, but helping those around you.
I came up with the idea to start a virtual movement where in
the month of October asking people to “Give a Lock” of them selves. Take your
vanity and turn it into charity. Give a lock of yourself to something or
someone. Donate your time to a soup kitchen, or a single mom who needs time to her
self, ask the little old woman down the street if she needs help or find a
charity and put a part of yourself behind it. Take that time and discover a
part of yourself that you might not have ever known.
Now being that I LOVE music (and it seems to help me push
through those moments when I can’t find the words to sum up those complex
feelings that reside in my head) I recently asked a friend and local artist to
write a “theme song” (if you will) about the experience of giving yourself into
something bigger than yourself. He accepted the challenged and after explaining
why I was doing this he sent me the lyrics to a song that not only touched me because
it was about the process I was going through; discovering myself, but it was
something that I thought needed to be shared with everyone.
So my challenge to those of you who read this blog (and share
this on Facebook and Twitter to those who don’t) – Give a Lock of yourself to
something or someone. Live life without a limitation and love without
condition. Help those that might not ask for help. Share those stories with me
in the comment section for people to read and become inspired. And to help
motivate you, click here to listen to the single or here for the full album and I encourage you to download them (heck it's free music) – let it help you figure out who you are suppose to be. And don't forget to comment your stories that have inspired you in a way to help those around you. Pax to you all!
