What A Year Can Teach Us

Photos from left to right: June - Disney World; June - Ethan's 5th bday; August - First Day of Kindergarden; November - Ethan's 2nd Soccer Game

One of the things I like to do is to sit back and reflect on what the year brought me, taught me and what I took from it. I know allot of people don't do this and I am sure there are people out there that can't wait for this year to pass without even wanting to look back. And yes I've had those years where I can't wait for one to end and hope that the other brings me something better than what I had; but, I've always sat down and reflected on the past. I do this for one main reason - without reflection history is bound to repeat its self and the choices or course of action that made it a bad year might repeat itself too. It's a fact; you have to take what you learned from your mistakes and gathered from your wise choices to help make better choices in the future. It's something I wish more people would do. 

2011 brought me a lot of things. Some things that are worth sharing and some that are not. I learned this year that people can be closed minded and no matter what you tell them - it's always their way. They don't want to be open to idea of letting new people or ideas into their lives. It's sad to think that in this world there a lot of good people and/or ideas and yet some people are so trapped inside their own ideas and thoughts on matters that they never open up and allow these other great people and/or ideas into their lives. I'm not one of these people. I try to see the good in everyone - even those that it might be hard to see past what other people can't. I look deep inside myself to understand people or their thoughts and the reason they are the way they are. The common man (everyone for that matter) is a product of their situations. I like to call it the cause and effect theory. If someone's father lost all their money in the stock market the effect might make the father leary of any type of investment and might even trickle down to the father's children if there is enough talk in the household about it. Everything is life is cause and effect and this is why reflecting back on things is helpful. It keeps random fears from taking over our lives. So as I enter into 2012 I will still try to see the good in all people and be open to their thoughts and ideas; however, I just might be more open to share with those that are closed minded how they need to be more open or show the other side of the coin they refuse to look at.  

I also learned that even with some time that has past there will still be milestones in Ethan's life that will break my heart and bring me joy all at the same time. There will be moments where my heart swells with pride and yet breaks with a sadness that will remain with me for the rest of my years. And while this sadness might lighten as the years past it will always sit in the corner of my heart where my fond memories of the one I love(d) sits. I'm also blessed to have people in life who understand this and embrace it rather than run from it or chastise it. It truly does make me feel blessed. 

I watched this year as friends got divorced, dated, broke up, got remarried and yet through all of this found what makes them happy. I was one of those people too who looked inside myself and found what makes me happy. I found in life that sometimes those around us that help us grow as people are the best friends we could ever ask for. It's the people that challenge us to be better people, mothers, fathers, coworkers, forward thinkers and better friends to those around us that are the strongest and loving people in our lives. It's the people that love and care about you from the inside out and who accept every facet of our lives that are the best people we could surround ourselves with. (I'm so glad to have all those people in my life.) 

This year has brought me challenges as a mom and having Ethan in school, faith classes, play therapy and soccer. Balancing time has become something I'm rather good at it and while it took some creative thinking at times to make it all work (and sometimes it didn't work at all) - BUT I did it. I had to make choices so that I could be there for my muppet when I think he needed me the most and worked on letting go of somethings so he could grow one day it to a better and stronger man who doesn't let fear rule his life. It's a struggle that all parents go through and I had to face these challenges head on this year while also confronting my own fears on the subject. However, Ethan and I are both stronger for it and I'm proud of the strives that both of us have made in our respective areas. (Have I said lately how much I love my muppet?)

This next year I have a plan that I have been working on for the last few months. It's a plan that will start on the new year and one that I hope brings more growth to my life. I want to run more and become faster at the 5k I do every September (my goal will by 25-30 min 5k this year). I want to focus more on my art and becoming a better artist and boss to my coworkers (so happy to open my new art books I got this Christmas from my parents!). The plan is to share more of my life with those around me and let them know what they mean to me (this especially goes for my neighbors and good friends - I can't wait for Corpus 2012!). I want to share with Ethan the beauty that is around us and how life isn't about "Angry Birds" or "Thomas the Train" - it's about experiencing what life has to offer us and the beauty of nature around us (Go family vacation 2012!). Then I want to do somethings for myself. I've always put Ethan above all else and he always be my first priority in life (and he will still be my first priority in life), but I understand needing to do things for myself and bettering my self; because in the end bettering myself helps better Ethan's life too (Yeah more Mommy time). 

I hope everyone out there can reflect on their 2011 and look forward to their 2012. Not just because it's a new year, but a new start to everything. It's never to late to change the way you think about things that happen in your life. It's never too late to change the way you think and process the events that happen during the past and upcoming year. It's all just a state of mind that takes the biggest step to say I want this to be my year because _____(insert your dreams here)______. Pax and Happy New Year.

A Praline Christmas Story

So I know I haven't blogged in forever, but it's not for a lack of me trying. Ethan's in soccer, faith classes and other assorted things that I'm not always sure if I'm coming or going (but man does the North Dallas Tollway get their fair share of me). One of my resolutions is to blog more. More about Ethan and what he's doing and just things that are going on in ourlives that's fun and exciting. My goal is once a week, but we will see how that one goes between soccer, faith classes and the other assorted things Ethan does.

However, I wanted to take some time and slow things down a bit and share with my readers my version of a Christmas story and what Christmas means to me. Each year I make pralines for my friends, family and neighbors - 30-35 batches a year (although I think I might have made 40 this year - there is no telling) and I like to joke with people that I make these ever-so-tasty goodies because I don't eat pralines; ergo I don't have to worry about any unwanted extra pounds that come from taste testing these little Christmas goodies. Smart huh (don't you wish you had thought of that (insert evil little grin))?!?

But to be honest that's not 100% of why I make them; in fact it's only 1%. So why do I make these little candy cookies that take an hour to make and only yield 12-14 a batch - sounds like way too much work for something people just ingest right? Well for me it doesn't matter if I slave over the stove or sing gleefully over it. What matters to me is what those twelve little cookies mean to me.
(Insert fade to flash-back) I consider my hometown New Orleans. And yes, while I only lived there the first 3 years of my life; it's where my grandparents lived and visited often and every corner of my mind is filled with sweet memories of them, their stories and great times. My grandparents were the kind of people who would slave over a stove for days making tasty red beans and rice or fried egg plant and stocked the freezer full of ice cream if they knew you were coming and liked it. It was their way of saying - I'm glad you're here.

Ten days after Christopher passed; my grandmother passed away too. To say it was a low point in my life is an understatement of epic proportions. It was at that point that God and I had a little conversation where I did most of the talking and while I explained I wasn't renouncing him or my faith in him, I just didn't agree with his choices or plan. My life was crushed...and just a few short months before the holiday season was about to be upon us. What was I going to do? How was I going to handle it? And how do I tell these neighbors who were there for me the whole time that I appreciated them more than I could ever put down in words when all I wanted to do is crawl under a rock and hope the holidays to pass quickly?

As Christmas came closer and closer I asked got to bring my mind peace found my thoughts drifting to Christopher and his giving heart and my Grandmother and how she showed loved through her cooking (she was truly the best cook and I can only hope and pray that I'm as good as her). My mind twisted and turned around the memories of both of them and how they both taught me that life isn't about what you have, but who you share it with and to tell them forth right how much they mean to you. A plan began to form and before I knew it was standing over a stove making something I had never made before - tweaking and testing, tweaking and guessing and before I knew it I had made one, then two, four, twelve, twenty batches of something that reminded me of the love and care that two people brought to my life. There in these assorted shapes and sizes was a tasty treat for others, but chalked full of memories, tears and joy that danced in my head while I made them. Each dozen was carefully placed in a pretty little box with a white bow. Hand delivered with Ethan in tow and as each person opened their doors to us and their eyes got big and each person cracked a smile it filled my heart with joy.


For me sharing those little boxes of my heart was the best gift that I could share with those that had been there for me; it was the best way to keep the memory of two people who mean/meant the world to me and always reminded me it's not what you have, but what is in your heart. The next year, I made them again, then the year after that and again this year. The number of batches has grown from my original twenty to almost 35-40, but it doesn't matter to me. Each batch is made with love, memories, great conversations from whom ever happens to stop over while I'm making them. They are a little piece of New Orleans that I call home. But most of all they are the little reminders of those I love and lost and how they help keep the meaning of life, love and Christmas in my heart. It's not what you can buy for your self or others, it's giving that little part of you to others to share and love. It's about always telling those around you how much they mean to you and how thankful you are to have them in your life. And most importantly it's about the tenderness of goodwill that we share with those that fill our lives every day and might only pass through it once.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas.
Pax
Denise