Family

Anyone that reads this blog knows that for me, running is therapeutic. It's time to myself and my thoughts. It's the time that I let go of the daily, weekly or monthly stresses and leave them on the side of the road. It's time that I also spend talking to God. Reflecting on things that have happened and things that I’m mentally preparing for that are coming up. It’s time where my mind is free to wonder through my daydreams, sort through the nightmares of fears and contemplate, on top of everything else, how far I’ve come. And well, lets just say I run a whole LOT more than I used too. Like 6-10 miles more a weekend lot. Nutshell… I spend allot of time reflecting and talking to God.

Recently, certain topics have dwelled and lingered in my thoughts. The concepts weren't new by any stretch of the imagination. They are more of a deeper reflection on older thoughts, concepts and the realization that, yes, distant prayers are sometimes answered when we least expect them to be.

Now first, before I dive right in, let me say this is a rather hard topic for me to write about and express in a way that does it justice. It’s a topic close to my heart. It's the concept of family.

Christopher had a great phrase for our family dynamic that he used to say all the time. "Family is not defined by blood, but by love." He believed that just because you were born into a family didn’t automatically make you family. For you to feel like you are a part of a family you need to feel love.

So right now some of you are nodding your heads in agreement and completely understanding where this statement comes from. Perhaps you can possibly relate to it in one form or fashion on your own personal levels. And well, some of you won't. It will be bitter to your thoughts and your mind has already come up with half a dozen rebuttals. Either way is ok because each person’s personal experience is different and each feeling is unique to you.

However, I beleive this statement is so powerful that I have written down in a journal for Ethan for when he gets older. Why? Because it's a testament to the journey our lives have been on.

When I was little I had one set of grandparents I really got to know in life. My Mum's Mum and Dad (aka, my Gran and Papa). They were the world to me and it broke my heart when they both passed, but I have always known that I was blessed because I got to share my life with them for a while. My dad's parents were a different story.

My Dad's Dad passed away shortly after I was born and his Mom when I was in middle school (if memory serves me correct). And there are days while I sit at my desk pondering out my office window what it would have been like to really know them other than photos. See, my Dad's Dad did what I do for a living (in a roundabout way) and that is fascinating to me. What I wouldn't give to sit and talk to him about how life in our fields has changed so dramatically and share with him what I work on now. But that is a conversation that will have to wait for years to come when it's my time to leave this mortal plane. But it does cross my mind from time to time.

Due to my own childhood experiences with my own grandparents, I often times reflect on Ethan's experience. He has my parents who will (should) be with him for many years to come and his bond with them is a strong and beautiful one. It reminds me allot of my relationship with my Gran and Papa. Christopher's mom left this mortal plane years ago before Ethan was born and his dad… well, he's not in Ethan's life and I'm ok with that. In fact, to set the record straight, I asked for it for my own personal reasons. Period. End of story. And that's all I have to say about that.

So I always thought that Ethan's life with his grandparents would almost mirror that of my own - only knowing one set of people as his grandparents. That is until the MusicMan. I don't think I would/could ever be able to put into words the amount of love and acceptance that his family brings into our lives. They truly love Ethan for him and the funny little ways he expresses himself. They invite us over and watch him from time-to-time so they can get to know him. They go to school plays and make it when they can to his sports games. In their eyes, Ethan is their grandchild. He's not a step-"insert name" he's one of theirs, he/we are family and that is rare.

But it doesn't stop with just them. The MusicMan's brothers, sister and extended family are the same way. When they come for a visit and Ethan and I walk through the door they yell out Ethan’s name and give him a big hug and tell him that they couldn't wait to see him. It truly is magical to watch his little face light up when this happens. It's even more heartwarming when he tries so hard to remember all their names in the car before we get there (the MusicMan has a way bigger family than I do). Ethan loves them all in a way that I never thought possible for his life and they love him equally just the same. He doesn’t question how they fit into his life as family and neither do they.

Ethan will get to experience something I never had. Two sets of grandparents.

He will get to understand the statement Christopher fell back on years before Ethan was born to explain his own relationship with his parents. "Family his not defined by blood, but by love."

It's sad to say that just because you are born into a family doesn't always mean that you feel the love and support of what family can bring to you. It's sad to say, and painful to experience if you are the one that goes through it; but we have all seen it or heard a story of someone who has had to go through it.

Then there are those families out there that love those brought into their lives with no questions asked; their hearts overflow with so much joy that you bring into their lives. They support you. They cherish what you bring into their lives and accept you as their own family even though you might never have been born into it. It's an amazing set of people who can do that. My parents did it with Christopher. The MusicMan's family does it with Ethan and I. It's an amazing feeling; to be loved by people who accept you as their own family. It's a blessing in my life and in Ethan's.

Years down the road I think this will be an amazing lesson for Ethan. It won't be one that I have to explain or teach to him. It will be one that is built on a thick foundation of love and will grow with each passing day. Ethan is blessed to have all the people that call him family in his life from all sides of mine, Christopher’s and now the MusicMan’s family.

Ethan will get something I didn’t have, two sets of grandparents to look up to for love, strength and support. Two sets of people who get to watch him grow into the amazing man I know in my heart he will be. It's a prayer I often lifted up to God to answer and felt as if this was one prayer that he just wasn't going to answer. And yet, years later he has, not in the way I expected or would have asked for… but he answered it. He brought family together through love.