When Christopher went into the hospital he weighed (sorry love I have to share) 242lbs and over the past year I have watched him slowly lose weight; to the point of giving him the nick name of "My incredible shrinking husband". At his last chemo visit the Dr. told him that he weighed 175lbs (with close on) and he needed to gain some weight (easier said than done when your on chemo).
Well I am happy to say that Christopher has put on 3lbs! He weighed him self last night (in his boxers) and he weighed in at 178lbs! (And trust me when I say, he has never been at 178 in the past month, so this was really exciting for us both!)
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
I would do it all over again...
Eight years ago a wonderful man asked me to marry him and seven years ago today we said "I do" in front of all our friends and family. That day could not have been any more perfect; it was everything we dreamed of and then some.
And as Christopher likes to tell me all the time - he would do it all over again and again.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE!
I love you.
And as Christopher likes to tell me all the time - he would do it all over again and again.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE!
I love you.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Listen up cancer
This weekend, I had a random and odd thought. Yes, I do have those from time to time - random thoughts.
They say that a baby's can hear you in while they are in the womb; what about cancer cells? Can they hear you? So that got me thinking, if I were to be able to "talk" to Christopher's Cancer what would I say. (Besides "Get out!")
What would I say to his cancer if it were to come "knock" on my door. That got me thinking about a song (and this is where the random part comes in). And if I had to tell Christopher's cancer anything - it would be this:
Control
by Poe
Don't you mess with a little girl's dream
'Cause she's liable to grow up mean
Surprised you to find that I'm laughing?
You thought that you'd find me in tears
You thought I'd be crawling the walls
Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear
Well you may be king for the moment
But I am a queen understand
And I've got your pawns and your bishops
And castles
All inside the palm of my hand
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
This is beginning to feel good
Watching you squirm in your shoes
A small bead of sweat on your brow
And a growl in your belly YOU'RE scared to let through
You thought you could keep me from loving
You thought you could feed on my soul
But while you were busy destroying my life
What was half in me has become whole
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
So this is how it feels
To breath in the summer air
To feel the sand between my toes
And love inside my ear
All those things that you taught me to fear
I've got them in my garden now
And YOU'RE not welcome here
COME HERE
Come a little bit closer
Let me look at you
I gave you the benefit
Of the doubt it's true
But keep in mind my darling
Not every saint is a fool
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
I WAS TAKING CONTROL
Now I have taken control
...CONTROL
Don't you mess with me
Odd and random, I know - but I will not let this cancer control me or the life of my family.
They say that a baby's can hear you in while they are in the womb; what about cancer cells? Can they hear you? So that got me thinking, if I were to be able to "talk" to Christopher's Cancer what would I say. (Besides "Get out!")
What would I say to his cancer if it were to come "knock" on my door. That got me thinking about a song (and this is where the random part comes in). And if I had to tell Christopher's cancer anything - it would be this:
Control
by Poe
Don't you mess with a little girl's dream
'Cause she's liable to grow up mean
Surprised you to find that I'm laughing?
You thought that you'd find me in tears
You thought I'd be crawling the walls
Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear
Well you may be king for the moment
But I am a queen understand
And I've got your pawns and your bishops
And castles
All inside the palm of my hand
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
This is beginning to feel good
Watching you squirm in your shoes
A small bead of sweat on your brow
And a growl in your belly YOU'RE scared to let through
You thought you could keep me from loving
You thought you could feed on my soul
But while you were busy destroying my life
What was half in me has become whole
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
So this is how it feels
To breath in the summer air
To feel the sand between my toes
And love inside my ear
All those things that you taught me to fear
I've got them in my garden now
And YOU'RE not welcome here
COME HERE
Come a little bit closer
Let me look at you
I gave you the benefit
Of the doubt it's true
But keep in mind my darling
Not every saint is a fool
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control
I WAS TAKING CONTROL
Now I have taken control
...CONTROL
Don't you mess with me
Odd and random, I know - but I will not let this cancer control me or the life of my family.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
One Year Ago
About this time a year ago, it all started with a twinge in Christopher's side. Which lead to one doctor telling him he thought he had gall stones to "Oh good news, no stones - just cancer."
It's hard to think that one year ago about this time, we went from thinking - "when should we have baby number two" to "when is your next CT Scan"? I could say that our lives will never the same, but then again if I could go back in time, I don't think I would change anything (except maybe catching this a little earlier than we did). But life, while we have had our ups and downs, has been good to us. Dealing with Cancer has brought our family closer together.
In the worst of time I thank God for what he has given us - I thank God for the bringing our family closer together, through cancer.
On another note, Christopher had another round of Chemo on Tuesday and the Dr said that his red blood count went down a little, but nothing so low they have to change anything. The next CT scan will be on May 13th - so every one pray for us. At the last scan in Feb. we were told the cancer shrank about 35% overall - I'm hoping for that number to go up to 40%. I'll post the results as soon as we have them, but sometimes they make us wait a week for them.
It's hard to think that one year ago about this time, we went from thinking - "when should we have baby number two" to "when is your next CT Scan"? I could say that our lives will never the same, but then again if I could go back in time, I don't think I would change anything (except maybe catching this a little earlier than we did). But life, while we have had our ups and downs, has been good to us. Dealing with Cancer has brought our family closer together.
In the worst of time I thank God for what he has given us - I thank God for the bringing our family closer together, through cancer.
On another note, Christopher had another round of Chemo on Tuesday and the Dr said that his red blood count went down a little, but nothing so low they have to change anything. The next CT scan will be on May 13th - so every one pray for us. At the last scan in Feb. we were told the cancer shrank about 35% overall - I'm hoping for that number to go up to 40%. I'll post the results as soon as we have them, but sometimes they make us wait a week for them.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
"Thanks", it's not just for a door
Before chemo, before cancer and even before Ethan; there were our walks. Christopher and I would walk around our neighborhood talking about anything and everything. We would point out houses that had an interesting landscape and we would try to figure out how that would work on our house. We talked about the future and what it held for us.
Speed up a few years ahead and well our walks had become far and few between. Chemo has made Christopher's body react oddly to the temperature outside. Some day's he felt like it was 110 outside, when in reality it was only 75.
The other day on the way home from worked I called Christopher and asked him if he was up for a walk and to my surprise he said he was! So when I got home, we changed our clothes, strapped Ethan into the big red wagon and went for our walk. It was so wonderful to talk and enjoy each others company. It was life before the tail spin and it felt good.
As we approached home and maneuvered the red wagon up our walk way to the house, Christopher reached in his pocket to hand me the house keys. It was at that moment that I looked at him in a different light. Here is a man that at the age of 33 has gone through more in his life than most people at the age of 55. Looking at Christopher in that moment reminded me of a verse in a song:
He's a stranger to some
And a vision to none
He can never get enough,
Get enough of the world
For a fortune he'd quit
But it's hard to admit
How it ends and begins
On his face is a map of the world
It was then that I took the keys out his hand and reached over to give him a hug and said, "Thank you for the walk." A schmucky grim came over to his face and he said, "It was my pleasure, but you don't have to thank me."
But the smile on his face was enough for me. I knew when I saw that smile that he was glowing from the inside out and that meant more to me that he will ever know.
Everyone handles their relationships differently, but when was last time we all thanked those special people in our lives for something other than holding the door open or for buying us a gift? Try it next time, that smile on their face might just warm your heart as it does theirs.
Speed up a few years ahead and well our walks had become far and few between. Chemo has made Christopher's body react oddly to the temperature outside. Some day's he felt like it was 110 outside, when in reality it was only 75.
The other day on the way home from worked I called Christopher and asked him if he was up for a walk and to my surprise he said he was! So when I got home, we changed our clothes, strapped Ethan into the big red wagon and went for our walk. It was so wonderful to talk and enjoy each others company. It was life before the tail spin and it felt good.
As we approached home and maneuvered the red wagon up our walk way to the house, Christopher reached in his pocket to hand me the house keys. It was at that moment that I looked at him in a different light. Here is a man that at the age of 33 has gone through more in his life than most people at the age of 55. Looking at Christopher in that moment reminded me of a verse in a song:
He's a stranger to some
And a vision to none
He can never get enough,
Get enough of the world
For a fortune he'd quit
But it's hard to admit
How it ends and begins
On his face is a map of the world
It was then that I took the keys out his hand and reached over to give him a hug and said, "Thank you for the walk." A schmucky grim came over to his face and he said, "It was my pleasure, but you don't have to thank me."
But the smile on his face was enough for me. I knew when I saw that smile that he was glowing from the inside out and that meant more to me that he will ever know.
Everyone handles their relationships differently, but when was last time we all thanked those special people in our lives for something other than holding the door open or for buying us a gift? Try it next time, that smile on their face might just warm your heart as it does theirs.
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