16 Months & 12 Inches

After we found out Christopher had cancer, after the initial shock of it all and we started to treat our new found journey with a new path. We changed the way we ate: less red meat, no processed sugars and way more fiber in our diets. We started working out again and most of all we changed the way we looked at things in our life. We wanted to take this new found information on cancer and that there were others out there going through the same things we were and do something meaningful with it.

One night Christopher put a challenge in front of me. It's no surprise as most of you who know me know, I change my hair when ever I can. I don't like to have the same hair style or color for more than 6 months. It's hair, it grows back. Don't like the color, that's what that stuff in a bottle they sell at Target is for. Anyway, Christopher asked me since I'm always growing out and then cutting short why didn't I do something with it other than just letting it be swept into a trash can. I have way more than enough hair for my self and it grows like a dang weed, so why not grow it out and donate it.

Interesting thought was the first thing that came to mind. So in good-ole-d fashion, on came the research. And I picked Locks Of Love as the place it my hair would go to. They take 10" of hair and make wigs for children and anything less that 10 is sold off to offset the cost of making the wig. It was perfect, the only thing - I needed 10 inches. I didn't think I had ever let my hair get to that point. But it was a good challenge and I was up for it.

My last "trim" hair cut was shortly after Christopher's first round of chemo (a July - this will come up again so remember it); it was symbolic that we started our journey on something new together. After a few months my hair got longer and longer; then it was time to get ready for the big cut. July (see it came back again) of last year my hairdresser and I sat down and choose October (2008) as the month that it would happen, by then I would have 12 inches of hair to donate. I was so excited of something so special.

Christopher passed away about 12 days before my hair cut. I almost didn't go. This hair was way more than 12 inches of long journey, a hard journey. Was to cut it off to say "eff-it" to what we had been through? I was numb from the whole thing, but I kept my appointment. After the first ponytail was cut, my hairdresser gave it to me. 12 inches. Like rings on tree I could almost see, "this is where we found out he had cancer, here was his first chemo, and here where we thought it would all be ok." I cried holding it my hands. What had I done? As I looked at my self in the mirror, I saw a different person staring back at me. My hair was my wall, a shield to hide behind and now there was nothing to hide behind.

But after awhile it was freeing. Knowing that our history is saved somewhere in a child's wig that gives them hope and happiness. So being July again (I told you it would come back), I made the choice to grow my hair out again. And in October 2010 I will donate another 12 inches of hair to Locks Of Love. This will be a cycle that will last awhile. My goal is to donate as much hair as Christopher was tall (roughly 6ft). This is something I know he would be proud of. So it begins, the growth spurt.