Muppet there is so much I wish I could say to you right now and have you understand completely what it means to me in my heart. I look at you and there are times when my heart breaks and I can't help but let me emotions run down and swallow me whole from the inside out, but then there are those other moments. The moments I shout to the heavens in splendor over the monumental strides you have made in your short little life.
I know I have and will tell you a thousand times over that you are named after your grandmother. Your middle name; her maiden name. And as they say in the movies - with a great name comes great responsibility. See a year ago today she left this mortal plane. Yes, just a few short days after your daddy's services, your grandmother passed away. She was 88 and a fighter. She was a woman I was close to and looked up to. Your name "Ethan" means strong leader and no other name would have the honor of standing next to your great grandmothers maiden name. She was a leader. She taught me so many things that I don't think I could pick just one to tell you - all of her life lessons are meaningful and beautiful to me and as you get older I will share them with you.
Ethan, my emotions over the course of this year have run the gambit and yet in the end there has always been one little person standing by my side. You. As your mum, my fears for you fall down like rain upon me and while I find my self from time to time hydroplaning across these thoughts - that look in your eye and twinkle in your smile keeps me grounded. No matter the drama that unfolds in my day, you are there my Muppet to run into my arms and tell the whole world (or at least those in your day care), "That my mommy. Love you Mommy." Those six little words make all the drama melt away and makes me remember all the beautiful things in life.
I wish I could see the world through your eyes, a world without prejudice, pain or evil. A world that is filled with excitement over learning a new letter, color or number. I know one day you will grow up, but I hope that when you do - you still remember what it was like to live life so vicariously. Ethan, I will always be proud of you no matter who you are or grow up to be. Yes, my dreams and hopes for you are great; just as any parents' dreams, wants and desires would be for their child. But I also know that life is what you make of it and my only want in your life is for you to be happy. You could be a starving artist or a multi-million-dollar CEO, at the end of the day I want for you to be able to go home and smile at what you have.
As you get older you will find that there is allot you can change about your life, where you live, your friends, your job. But the one thing you can't change is that I love you and I will never be able to stop loving you. You are a part of your daddy. My little reminder of the way he was. You are very much a little smarty parts and you so get that from your daddy. The way you laugh - just like your dad's. And if I may be so bold to say it - both your eyebrows operate in the exact same manor. I guess what I am trying to say Muppet is that there is a part of your dad inside you - it's a part that wasn't learned - it's just a part of him locked in your soul. So when ever you feel lonely or that you miss him; just look in the mirror. You and him - you all share the same reflection.
I love you Muppet.
Mum
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