Monday, June 15, 2009

32

Today I turned 32. Which for most would be a day that people revel in having others tell them "Happy Birthday!" and joking about turning a year older. For me it was a bitter-sweet day. Two years ago and one month (almost to the day) after Christopher's 32nd birthday we got the news he had cancer. Stage 4 cancer. At the time, I couldn't imagine what was going through his mind - I hadn't even turned 30 yet, so to me trying to figure out what it all meant; well lets just say it was all a rather large mind bender.

So today I woke up at 5:30am; Ethan greeted me with birthday wishes, oh, wait he did he not get that memo that he's suppose to let Mummy sleep in on her birthday? (I think he was just excited about his first day of pre-school - I'll write about that tomorrow) While I got ready I thought about what would I do or feel if someone told me today or a month from today that I had an illness that has no cure. Would I freak or would I be calm, cool and collected like Christopher? And well; I think I know. I would be like Christopher. Calm and cool under pressure. There is nothing you can really do about it, but live life like there is no tomorrow. Each day is a gift and not a given right.

And "what's worth the price is always worth the fight" has been a line that runs through my head often. There is so much truth in this statement. Life is too short to dwell on things that we can't control. There are days on the calendar now that will be harder than others for me and for Ethan; but that will not stop me from showing Ethan that life is about the beauty of the day and not pain and sorrow. I can choose to let these days get me down, or I can fight to make these days the ones I look forward too, to do whatever it takes to show Ethan that these days will not stand in his way of happiness; no matter his age.

I hope everyone can take some time out to listen to the song. It's been added to a CD I am making for Ethan of all the music that has meant something to me over this year. I hope that those of you out there going through something similar can find the comfort it gave me.




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